So I finally had headshots done. I had always meant to, when I became an agent, but there was never time. For my New Jersey cards and this column I just use a shot my husband took of me. I went into Photoshop and lightened my teeth, maybe too much.

But now I was in a position where I had to do promo shots, and I freaked out. First, I put it off as long as I possibly could, giving myself a week in the gym to sweat (cleanse the complexion) and sweat some more (raises the metabolism to burn off the dreaded second chin). Then I did my total beauty routine: lighten hair, cut hair, lighten eyebrows, cut eyebrows, throw self-tanner on skin (the better to make lightened hair and eyebrows pop), bleach teeth.